Write Your Way To A Better Life: how writing can help you heal, make decisions and live the life your best life.
Have you ever wanted to say something but couldn’t? Had trouble expressing yourself? Not understood what you felt or why you were feeling the way you were? We all have experiences where we have thoughts or feelings that we want to express but either can’t find the right words or can’t bring ourselves to say those words. We all have experiences where we are faced with huge, potentially life changing decisions, whether it be about our career, our romantic life, where to live, what to prioritize etc., and we feel the pressure to make the “right” choice for us, without really knowing what would be “right” for us. Almost all of us have probably thought to ourselves at some point “who am I,” “what do I want in life,” or “why do I react like that when this happens.” For those of you in therapy, I would be shocked if any of you could tell me that you hadn’t had a single session where you had had trouble expressing what you wanted to say, trouble finding the words to explain something, or trouble understanding why you felt or responded in certain ways.
The good news is, it’s normal. All of it. As humans we aren’t perfect. We don’t always have the words to express what we think or feel, we aren’t always able to bring ourselves to have difficult or emotional conversations and when faced with a big decision, of course we struggle with those decisions; after all it may change the course of our entire life.
Quite often, talking it through with someone or breaking it down into smaller parts can be helpful. But what if there was a better way? What if there was a way to gain even more clarity and understanding, to say exactly what we wanted to say and things we didn’t even know we needed to say, or to discover unconscious thoughts and feelings that may be governing our actions without us even knowing it? For those of you in therapy or struggling with trauma, mental illness, chronic pain/illness or grief and loss, what if there was a way to help you heal faster or to help you explore and process the impacts that your struggles are having on you in a deeper way. For those struggling with making important life decisions, what if there was a better way to examine the options and really get to the root of what you want in life allowing you to make the best decision possible? What if there was a better way to discover who we are, what we want and to learn and grow into a better version of ourselves?
Well, there is: writing. Some of you may already use writing to help you in life. Maybe you journal every day. Maybe you know that if there is something that is difficult for you to say, writing it down can help ensure that you say what you need to say. That’s great. But writing can offer so much more, if you know how to use it. That’s where I come in.
Writing helps us put our thoughts into coherent complete sentences.
Let’s talk about how and why writing can help you gain a deeper understanding of the issues you face and help you say more than talking ever could. Everything tracks back to our thoughts. When we say something, we think about it first. When we feel something, we think about why. When we do something, its driven by our thoughts. Thinking precedes everything we do in life. Even when people do or say something stupid, regret it and say something along the lines of “I wasn’t thinking,” that’s not actually true. They were thinking, they just weren’t thinking clearly or weren’t thinking about the right things. To give a really basic example, imagine someone who is zoned out and walks into the middle of the road without looking, almost getting hit by a car. That person is likely to say “I was zoned out and not thinking” but the truth is they were thinking, they were likely zoned out because they were thinking, they just weren’t thinking about their surroundings and crossing the road.
Obviously, we are driven by our thoughts, but that’s actually the problem. See, when humans think, the majority of us do not think in complete sentences.[1] We think in a dizzying array of partial sentences, cycling thoughts, and a feeling inspired barrage of differing, non-articulated partially formed thoughts.[2] But when we speak or hear something, more often than not it is spoken or articulated to us in complete sentences. Sentences that build upon one another, do not go off on a million different tangents and, when strung together, paint a picture that is easy for us to understand. We’ve all had the experience of listening to someone who is trying to tell us a story but keeps getting sidetracked and goes off on tangents and down rabbit holes. How easy are they to understand? Most likely, if someone tries to tell you a story but keeps going off on tangents, you will be left at the end of it very confused and not completely comprehending what it was they were trying to tell you. That’s how our thoughts work all the time. When we think, we think like someone who is going off on every tangent imaginable.[3] That’s not to say that we can never understand what we are thinking, obviously we can. But imagine how much clearer our understanding may be if we were able to think like we speak – in complete sentences without any tangents or distractions.
This is where writing can be invaluable. It can act as the filter through which our dizzying array of thoughts are channeled and arranged into complete sentences that we can understand. On a very basic level, writing acts as a sort of translator, taking the thoughts, feelings and emotions that are spinning inside our heads and translating them into the language we best understand: complete sentences.[4] When we write, we turn our thoughts, feelings and emotions into an easy-to-understand narrative.[5] This narrative then allows us to gain clarity that is not possible when we simply try to talk through our thoughts, feelings and emotions.[6] This clarity is crucial to us better understanding our thoughts, feelings and emotions and learning from them which, in turn, is crucial for us to process through the situation, make informed decisions and understand ourselves better.[7] For example, imagine that you are in school and you have a teacher who is trying to teach you about something but is rambling, keeps going off on tangents and haphazardly explains the concept you are trying to learn, bouncing from one point to another in no particular order and in a way in which the points don’t build on each other or help explain the point before it. It would be pretty hard to learn anything from them, right? Now imagine you have a teacher who is focused on the topic, speaks clearly, and point by point explains the concept, each point building on the point before it and increasing your understanding of the material. Which teacher would you rather learn from the day before an important exam? This is what writing does for us. While we think like the first teacher, writing allows us to become the second teacher, organizing our thoughts, feelings and emotions into a clear, concise, easy to understand narrative that we can then learn from.
Writing can unlock subconscious thoughts and feelings.
But this is only the start of what writing can do for us. Writing can also help us uncover our subconscious thoughts, feelings and emotions and make links between them and what we are consciously aware of.[8] When we try to speak the things we are thinking, often times feelings of shame, embarrassment, incompetency etc., and thoughts such as “that’s stupid” or “that makes no sense” etc., can get in the way of what we really need to say.[9] It can be extremely difficult to express our deepest thoughts, feelings, desires, and fears. Often there’s a fear of judgment from the other person if we speak these things aloud. Sometimes, we are so ashamed or embarrassed by our thoughts and feelings, that we judge ourselves, leading to those thoughts and feelings not even being consciously available to us. But when we write, the fear of judgment is lifted.[10] The paper doesn’t judge us, it doesn’t respond to us, it doesn’t push its own beliefs, feelings or emotions onto us. In this sense, writing can create a judgment free zone for us to explore the deepest thoughts, feelings and emotions we have and, as such, often encourages subconscious thoughts and feelings to surface as we write.[11]
Writing can help us view things from a distance and gain new perspectives.
Another way that writing can be invaluable is by allowing us to view the situation from different perspectives and to get some distance between ourselves and whatever we are struggling with.[12] This can be really beneficial for people working through trauma, mental illness, chronic pain/illness, and grief and loss as well as for those wanting to learn more about themselves, making a tough decision or even those who just wish to gain new perspectives on their life. Take something painful for example, like a traumatic event or the loss of a loved one. The emotions we feel around these things are often overwhelming and it can be hard to see straight, let alone process through our thoughts and feelings and what has happened. But writing can allow us to break the struggle into parts, examine each part from different perspectives, look at elements that we may not even know are affecting us, examine the emotions from a distance, gain a sense of closure, healing and acceptance and more.[13] Not only can it help you express the emotions but it can help you uncover what is underneath the emotions, understand your thoughts and feelings and find meaning in what has happened so that you may begin to process and heal from it.[14] Obviously, however, it is advisable to be working with someone like me when you do this type of writing, as it will undoubtedly bring a lot of painful thoughts and emotions to the surface, and while necessary to be able to find meaning and begin to heal, having support is crucial.[15]
But it is not just those who are struggling with something like trauma, mental illness, chronic pain/illness or grief that can reap these benefits from writing. Think about a time in your life when you have had to make a big decision. I think most would agree that when making a big decision, it is good to try and view it from all angles, examine all the pros and cons to each option and have as much understanding around how the decision you make will impact your life, before making said decision. Writing allows you to do this better than just thinking it through ever could. Through writing, you are able to approach the decision from a variety of different perspectives, distance yourself from the problem in order to gain new perspectives and uncover previously subconscious thoughts and emotions surrounding the problem that you can ultimately consider while making your decision.[16] In fact, in this sense, writing can help with just about anything.
Writing helps connect your mind and body.
Furthermore, writing helps to connect your mind and body, which can sound strange but hear me out. The act of handwriting involves using bodily movements to express thoughts and emotions. Many subconscious thoughts and emotions can affect us physically, without us having any real knowledge of it.[17] When you write though, a link is created between your mind and your physical movements. This link can encourage the subconscious thoughts and feelings that have thus far been stored in your body to actually be released into your writing.[18]
Writing gives you a voice and helps you gain control and reshape your narrative.
Finally, and most powerfully, writing can give you a voice and help you actually reshape your perception of your experiences. Narrative therapy, a particular type of therapy that doesn’t necessarily utilize writing, helps people struggling with things such as trauma reframe the experience to gain a sense of control and closure over it.[19]However, writing can also do this. For example, using fiction to reframe a real-life event can have a profound impact, inspiring self-forgiveness, understanding, acceptance and a sense of being heard and validated.[20] But it doesn’t have to be fictional writing. Writing in general can help a person see something from a different perspective or distance themselves from something, which in turn may allow them to step out of self-blame and other negative emotions and instead begin to understand, process and heal from it.[21] It gives you an outlet for your emotions, can help you identify patterns that were not visible to you before and can give you a sense of control over your thoughts and emotions that then allows you to move forward with less self-judgment and a better understanding of the situation.[22]
Thus, writing can be a powerful tool in healing, self-discovery and everyday life for a multitude of reasons. The benefits of writing are well documented and vast, ranging from a greater awareness of the issues you are facing to improvement of your physical health, better immune function, decreased stress, decreased depression, better sleep, improved school or work performance, strengthened memory and even things like improved liver function and lower blood pressure.[23]
However, while anyone can choose to write at any point without the help of a professional, you are much more likely to reap the full benefits of writing if you are working with someone who knows how to use writing to best help you and whatever it is you are struggling with or wanting to examine or resolve through the writing.[24] In fact, because of how powerful writing can be and how many thoughts and emotions it can bring to light, for some people, such as those with trauma, doing it alone, without the guidance of a professional, is not recommended.[25] This is where I come in. We will work together to use a series of writing prompts to help you unlock your subconscious thoughts and emotions, release your emotions, clarify your thoughts and examine your situation or struggle from multiple perspectives in a way that promotes self-discovery, understanding and healing. At the end of each session I will give you a writing prompt, based on what we have discussed in that session, where your stuck points are or areas that you are struggling with understanding or expressing. Then, in the following session, we will discuss your writing, looking not only at the words you wrote but also reading in between the lines at the subconscious messages that were revealed in your writing. The beauty of this is that you don’t have to be a good writer to benefit from this. The benefits of writing do not come from the way you write things or how grammatically correct you are or how well written something is. It simply comes from the act of writing, no matter what your skill level, thus making it an equally powerful and viable option to everyone.
If writing is something that you think you may benefit from, or even if it is something that you would like to learn more about to see if it could help you, then please reach out to me. Writing can help everyone, regardless of how well you can write or what you are struggling with or hoping to achieve.
Comments